Miserable cactus. Hiromasa Noguti --- cotosiro This was written by Japanese language into Justnet in March 7, 1998. This was written into Nifty in November 22, 2003. This was transrated into English in March 7, 2009.
	 Hello, you! Why, where are you looking at? It isn't that he spoke to you. Oh! You don't know where am I, won't you? Excuse me.  To tell the truth, I am cactus. Look at me! I am here! In front of you, there is a twisted cactus into the little pot, isn't it?  Yes, that is me! If you have nothing particular to do, wouldn't you listen to my talk?  Why, do you say you feel it is weird that a cactus speak? But, a cactus is creature, too.  The usual idea saying that a cactus doesn't speak is the misunderstanding though we don't tell a lie, being different from human being.
			 Oh, excuse me! It isn't that it said about you as for this human being!  Though it doesn't know why, recently, it gives off the terribly ironical words carelessly before noticing.  It seems my mind is becoming twisted, with being oppressed for long as the appearance of me is so.  Therefore, please forgive it. Because I have many things to tell you.  Well, it is very rare the cactus knowing one's social position like me speak to human being.  However, since you looked to be tender considerably, I had spoken to you, before noticing.  Though you look to be busy, please listen to my complaint for a little while!  Because as you see, I, getting withered, soon, would return to a soil.
	 But, don't look at me so long. It is because to tell the truth I feel the shame the twisted appearance of me is seen.  But, as the others are so, I once were fresh as paint, too.  Whenever I were in the show window, it is that the tender looking girls often coming to the shop gave me the praises, saying "Oh, you are pretty".  I were on the crest of the wave in those days.
	 However, the happiness isn't kept so long, isn't it? At the afternoon in one quiet day, horrible incident happened.  Well, for human being, it may have been a daily sight. But, for me, it was the very serious affair.  It is that one middle-aged man putting a business suit on came into the shop suddenly when peeping at the shop from across the door.  At that time, I was caught to nasty feeling somehow. However, it is difficult the mere cactus guesses what happens.  I were regarding the man in silence, feeling a inexpressible anxiousness. Indecently, the man has a tooth pick between his teeth.
		 Probably, the man looks to have come here immediately after taking the lunch.  Then, he, putting the middle of loosened necktie on his shoulder,  was hanging it toward the back, though it doesn't know why.  Somehow, I feel bad. But, he looked to be under the illusion that the appearance of oneself is nice.  He is walking about within the shop while shaking one's shoulders to right and left.  Maybe, he is visitor just walking through the shop.  He was showing off by oneself while looking about here and there at the shop.
			 However, what a nasty man he is! To all appearances, it is hard to find the graceful mind from him.  "Get out fast!". I had shouted in spite of oneself at the bottom of the heart.  However, it may have been problem.  Though it doesn't know whether he felt my mind, it is that he looked back toward me suddenly.  And, he, when suddenly taking the pot I am in, asked the shopkeeper "How much?".  It is the quite unexpected situation for me. "It is as a joke, isn't it?".  I had whispered like that to myself, before noticing.  Because he doesn't look to treat me in affection and carefully.
		 But, it is impossible an cactus for sale selects the customer. I was bought by the man helplessly.  But, to tell the truth, I were to be brought up by the tender girl often coming to the shop.  Because she always gave me the smile, regarding me tenderly.  In spite of that, why were I bought by such a nasty man?  Now that thing has come to this pass, I barely realized it is hard to make the life I hope.  At evening in that day, the man took me to his home.  His house is bigger than it thought because the number of rooms looks to be over ten.  By any chance, isn't it that I can live elegantly?  Expectancy like that crossed my mind, and gave me the vigor for a moment.
		 Because though it is together with the nasty man, it is that it starts the new life, going out the shop for the first time  since I were born, don't you think it is natural that I expect like that?  Well, it is that there is the case even we get caught to unfounded expectancy.  But, our case isn't so frequent, being different from the mankind having evolved one's brain.  However, I got astonished terribly when I was taken to his living room. It is the sight so dirty that it doesn't know when he cleaned.  Though the furniture and so on looked to be very high-grade, dust and maybe filth, and so on were sticking to their surface considerably.
	 And, dust left for long on the floor had hardened like sand.  It gives off even crunchy sound when the man walks, having on the pair of backless slippers.  "Doesn't his wife do the sweeping?". I murmured like that in spite of oneself.  But, it is strange a little. It feel no one is living here besides this vulgar man.  He is single probably. Surely it seems he do nothing else but to make money.  Would it be possible I keep on living in such a severe place?  Why must I live in the terrible home like this?  I, only stupefied, were regarding the surrounding sight for a while.
		 However, for this man, I am mere cactus having no personality. By any chance, he may not be conscious that I am creature.  He put me with the rough behavior on the floor in the corner of the room as if it treats a plastic toy.  Just then, cloud of dust rises suddenly. I got a fit of coughing, falling into the difficulty breathing suddenly.  But, he doesn't know my coughing. He was looking at the trashy picture on TV, sprawling on the dirty sofa.  Why, did you say that it once didn't hear that a cactus gave off coughing? Oh, you know nothing.  Even a cactus give off coughing, because it is living.  It was supposed to be possible he hears my coughing if he feels love for me even if it is a little love.  How's my fate from this time on? I felt a fear terribly.
	 To tell the truth, this man was forced to divorce from his wife about five years ago.  It is because the wife was disgusted at his too selfish behavior. Recently I could know the thing at last. He has two sons.  However, since the wife had gone out of his house together with two sons, he had been left in this house broad uselessly by oneself.
	 Oh, do you say it feels him pitiful? Alas! I think it is the natural reward for his sin.  Because he is the bad man really. Why, you now asked me how is he bad, won't you?  I was wanting that question.  It is that I had been given the terrible treatment for long, since I can't escape.  Please listen to me a little more!  From when I came here, when about one month has passed, that detestable affair occurred.  It is that the man in question came near me at the quick steps suddenly, and stared at me in absence of expression.  When I notice suddenly, he has the poor watering pot with the right hand. "He intend to give me water surely!".  I, thinking so, trembled in delight. It is because I were about to lose the consciousness because of the terrible thirst.
	 Ever since I came here, I haven't been given even one drop of water, to say nothing of nourishment.  As you thought, I were bearing the thirst only desperately, being left on the floor without love for long.
			 Certainly, I am mere cactus. However, even for the petty cactus like that, it is hard to live without love.  And, It also is hard to keep the vigor of living as well. As you see, I kept on becoming thin rapidly.  So, it seems the man brought water, narrowly noticing me getting thin.  I waited the comfortable shower, stretching oneself as much as possible.  However, as soon as the man comes by the side of me,  it turned the watering pot upside down suddenly and shook it toward me one time strongly.  Lump of water hits me at swoop.  Though it is certain I want water, don't you think this treatment is spiteful terribly?  I were soaked anymore. And, a hard splash raises the cloud of dust from the floor.  I fell into the sense I have been, like, shot by the spite. But, the man doesn't mind my mind like that at all.
	 "Huh, weren't you cactus? If so, don't become weak in only one month! I will desert you surely if you don't grow".  It was that he spat out even the spiteful words like that.  What a thoughtless words it is! My pride got injured. If it want something, it should return something.  Wouldn't you think it is a providence of nature? At human society, it seems to be said like love, or respect, or reward, or, investment.  But, the man knows nothing about the thing. Needless to say, he didn't also know the investment without love isn't true investment.  It is because he isn't noticing even now the money making like that with no love only brings a failure.  "You are foolish really, won't you?". I whispered in my heart in spite of oneself.  Just then, the man looked back suddenly. Why, do you say "isn't it that he heard your whisper"? Would it be so really?
				 I think he only looked back in coincidence.  Anyhow, he stared at me with sharp look, like having gotten angry.  "I hate your thorns! I will take away the thorns out of you". He utters the horrible things like that.  And, he started to walk toward me, when taking with the right hand a pair of rusty tweezers.  It seems he intend to try it really. "Don't do the thing like that!".  I shouted like that in spite of oneself. But, it was wasted effort.  In spite of my desperate entreaty, it is that my thorns all were pulled out mercilessly.  Imagine the cactus having no thorns. Would there be a cactus this miserable where?  In passing, I here must say the opinion saying that a cactus doesn't feel a pain is mistake.  Certainly, we don't have the nervous system. But, instead of the nervous system, I have the other system.  It never be that we feel nothing because it is that we are living! Don't make light of us so!
		 Well, the thing aside, since then, the man often spited me, while grumbling of something like murmuring  every time it is in the unsatisfied situation.  Yes, as you thought, it is that he pulled the thorns out of me with the rusty tweezers in question mercilessly.  Probably that was only one diversion for him. Well, it is he was a terribly timid man in reality.  It seems he always obeyed, saying "yes" when the others request to him something even if it is painful to accept.  Because of the frustration like that, it is that he made me the target for diversion probably.  The wounds in my body kept on increasing one after another without getting cured.
	 Furthermore, since the moisture goes out of wound rapidly, brown hollows came to be seen here and there at my skin.  And, the beautiful green of my skin had become blackish green. However, he blames me, saying you are a inborn failure.  Furthermore, he, telling like that the neighbours, drove away one's gloom. What a selfish man he is!  And, what a miserable man he is! Anyhow, I fell into the harsh situation increasingly. Once my thorns were pretty like downy hair.  However, it now isn't in the condition like that. It had changed to the keen hard thorns like steel needle anymore.
	 Furthermore, I aren't given even the water for long.  So, it is that I got changed to the ugly cactus twisted terribly like this.  Well, because you now are looking at me, it was useless to tell this, isn't it?  Anyhow, since he can't pull the thorns out of me anymore, he deserted me cruel.  Needless to say, it was because my keen thorns prick him.  However, it is bad to think to give a person a curse even if it doesn't utter the words like that, isn't it?  Because I fell into situation this terrible because of the thing.  Why, do you say "isn't it that your talk all is the curse you spat out to the man"?  Oh, did you hear like that? I never have the intention like that. It only is as mere grumble.
			But, anymore, I don't mind whether it is as a curse or not. Because at any rate, I don't fall into the situation more terrible than now. Before I become a dry cactus, it is that I only wanted to tell someone my miserable story.
Cotosiro