================================================================== 3-1: The hatred creeping up on the mind. From The myth of the shade. ==================================================================							Contents.
		This, first written in Japanese, was issued in Justnet in 1997 year though it was rewritten several times after that. And, it was issued in Nyfty in July 31, 2005, translated into English. This was revised in February 9, 2007. But, I don't know English so well. So, please forgive it for the immature expression. Hiromasa Noguti.
	In a village spreading at the foot of the mountains, there is the man named Noboru Yamagishi running the agriculture for the moment. However, since he almost doesn't work, his rice field, filled with the growing weeds, had been left as it is at the condition to go wild. He now is doing a nap lazily, laying down on the Japanesque verandah in his home. And, this was the almost daily behavior, not only today. However, it particularly isn't that it is weak physically. Rather it seems it is better to say it is robust. So, the villagers had understood him to be the lazybones though it doesn't know what had happened in his mind.
			As a matter of fact, he had lost the job considerably before. So, it is that he came back to this village in those days his parents were living in. But, he doesn't interest oneself in an agriculture at all. It was natural that a person thinks he is absorbed in an amusement of something or other. However, the fact isn't so. He was spending the dull times all day, shutting oneself in the home with nothing to do. The parents fall ill one after another from worrying over the matters of their son, and pass away, soon. Since he hasn't the family else, and hasn't the persons he relies on, he became lonely increasingly. In spite of that, he didn't try to change oneself. It is that he spent the dull and lazy days more than before.
	However, he had inherited a few rice fields from the parents though it doesn't know whether it was fortunate for him or not. He could keep his life narrowly with selling the property like that by the piece. But, apparently it doesn't seem he feels guilty with the thing. It looked to be the optimistic life very much. It takes a nap at once when it wants to sleep. And, whenever it wants to eat, it takes a meal necessarily. However, the villagers almost haven't seen he works in the rice field. Though it sees Yamagishi occasionally, Yamagishi always only is running on the path in between the rice fields with the terrible look, giving off the uncanny atmosphere. It was natural that the villagers regarded him as the odd fellow. And, he also is the target of sneer. Whenever they see he happen to be pulling the weeds out of the field, it is that it sneered at him, saying "Ha, it's rain, soon.". The thing hard to understand produces the uneasy feelings frequently. Then, it also stirs up the offensive mind.
	However, the villagers as the tender person couldn't treat him with so terrible way. The villagers' sneer like that seemed to be substituted controled behavior for the cruelty as a matter of fact they want. Anyhow, since the nature of Noboru is very gentle, the villagers were feeling easy about Noboru's behavior in that range. Rather it may be better to say the odd fellow named Noboru was a kind of stimulant for the people spending dull days in the peaceful village. It is that they each talked the rumor quite different from the fact about Noboru, almost unconsciously putting oneself under the illusion their concealed desires are, like, Noboru's desires. The persons trying to understand his heart almost weren't in this village. So, they nicknamed him "a possessed Noboru" though it doesn't know when. "That fellow is happy in that condition surely, isn't it? We needn't meddle in him". It was that the villagers could accept the existence of him narrowly, with thinking like that. However, the villagers don't know the condition in night of Yamagishi at all. Noboru Yamagishi had been tormented by various mental conflict and desires pouring from one's mind before noticing, day by day.
			Noboru didn't like the living thing called a person so. It seems that the reason he resigned the job is also the matter like that finally. Whenever he sees a person, it is that he often sensitively feels a selfish or spiteful air a person gives off. Would it be caused by his character? At any rate, he was apt to avoid getting concerned in a person since former days. However, he also is a human being as well as other persons. It also has the same desires as other persons. It was that his complex mental condition like that makes the long and dull lonely night the hard cruel night for him increasingly. If it avoids getting concerned in persons, it can't gain the money necessary to live. So, he couldn't but accept the lonely and poor life. However, the desires tempt him insistently, appearing in the various occasions, trying to catch him. Especially as the night becomes deep and brings the silence, it is that an inexpressible loneliness oozed out of his depths and cornered him.
	One day, Noboru suddenly woke up in the verandah, feeling cold drops on the face. When would it have started to rain? When he lifts one's bust and looks up at the heavens, it rains hard acceleratedly. Though it seems to be shower since it can see blue sky in places, anyhow, it feels gloomy. Noboru glared at the sky upward in the slightly annoyed look. The sun, already leaning to the west, is about to set across the ridge of the mountains. It was giving off the several beams toward the ground and dyeing the violet colored clouds reddish orange. Noboru, when sitting on the verandah with the crossed legs, regarded that sight in silence. It is that he can compose oneself strangely when looking at the sight like that and feeling the close of a day. However, the sun today he sees was different from an usual sun. Would it be because the sun was shrouded in the rain? It looks to be losing the verve strangely. Yamagishi put one's head on one side in spite of oneself. When it notices, that sun looks like, to be a rotten yolk. And, it strangely looked about to drop on the ground in melting soon, drove him to the weird mood. Just then, it feels an inexpressible hatred oozes out of one's back strangely. Or, it seemed to be also the feelings of curse. Anyhow, that strange hatred drifts around him and tries to tempt him to do the various vices. "Shit, weird!". He shook oneself a little, trying to escape from the hatred.
	However, the suspicious hatred comes out of him increasingly and goes up into the air one after another as if it is the heat haze. And, it didn't try to go away from him, clinging to him. He feels a fear of getting swallowed to the hatred if it does nothing. Noboru suddenly stood up before noticing and jumped down on the ground from the verandah. It isn't aware of having come out of the home with the bare foot, at all. He started to run with only the underwear as if he had gone crazy. Several villagers probably going back to each home from the rice fields looks back at him. And, in a moment when Noboru is about to brush past by the side of them, sneered at him, saying "Oh, you always look to be busy, won't you?". Though Noboru thinks to do a light bow as usual, his mind is getting filled completely with escaping from the hatred in question. He kept running with the look horrible like Asura only in silence.
	Note; (It is said Asura originally is Indian gods and is the general term of the family of the gods having the complex characteristic, that is, the character like Buddha and the character like the demon or beast.). "Hey, that fellow is full of vigor fine, isn't it? For, it passed us without bowing!". "Why, it is meaningless to say the disagreeable things like that, because he can hear nothing else but the voice of god! Did you understand?".
			Spiteful laughter like scorn resounded in the twilight sky together with the thoughtless jeers. "Enough of such a joke! Think, putting oneself in my place!". Noboru, murmuring like that when hearing the jeers, kept running in the faster tempo without looking aside. Though it doesn't know whether it is the advantage of running, the hatred in question disappeared, soon when it keeps running. When it looks up at the twilight sky, slight light from the sun having set is dyeing the darkish blue clouds in scarlet color in places somewhat. It was the twilight sight calm as usual. "But, why did that hatred appear? Did it appear because I am wavering?". Noboru kept on thinking like that day after day. However, it can't draw the conclusion though several days had passed. And, there isn't even the sign the hatred in question appear. "There you are! I told you I were tired.". He told himself like that as if it tells other person. And, since then, he gave up thinking about it.
	But, since then after several days, it again rained. It is the twilight shower as well as the former rain. Noboru suddenly got caught to the presentiment the hatred may appear. But, it must be an illusion. He pushed the anxiousness like that into the bottom of the heart at once. As a matter of fact, for him, it is that it also was the same as shutting the hatred in his depths. However, it seems it is only his imagination. The hatred in question, growing up in his mind rapidly before he notices, insistently had watched for the chance to appear. And, it seems the chance like that is really now. The hatred in question suddenly appeared and overflowed into reality out of his back in the violent force. It seems that the slight uneasiness having caught him for a instant had connected the reality with the place full of demons. Noboru's mind had been filled with the horrible vision before he notices. It can see the flames of hell are blowing around here and there. Various onis(Japanesque demons), catching the dead souls with the strong hands, were drinking their blood and devouring their flesh. Several beautiful women are wriggling in the terrible pains in the hell fire. It was that Noboru watches the horrible sight like that in rapture for a moment. "Ah, no! What a sinful man I am! I am wavering.". Noboru, when going out of his house at once, started to run as if it tears oneself out of oni's grasp. And, the hatred disappears, soon. So, he came back to his house and rolled into the bed at once, with no thinking about the hatred.
	However, his peace like that isn't kept for so long. The hatred in question showed the horrible vision in front of his eyes, making oneself stronger increasingly. As a time, he hears even a hoarse voice which whispers to him. "Kill! Kill them!". It was that the voice in question, coming out of his head, stirred up his vicious desires insistently. "Alas, I may go crazy, soon if I do nothing. I may attack the villagers really". Noboru started to feel a fear of the matters like that. However, does the hatred in question appear by what kind of cause? "By any chance, do I have a neurosis or other? Or else, have I gotten possessed to an evil spirit? How should I do?" He can know nothing after all, though it thinks variously. He only fell into the confusion, not knowing what to do.
 
Cotosiro