The "dreams like reality". By Cotosiro. This is the revised edition having been translated from Japanese edition. February 7, 2004. This was rewritten a little in May 4, 2005. This was revised in February 5, 2009. Since it doesn't know English well, it doesn't know whether the expression is proper.
			3. The dying good spirit.
	When it notices, over ten years had passed since I started to live in this forest. However, to tell the truth, I didn't think first that I stay here for long like this. I had thought to go out of this forest at once if my physical strength is recovered. It is because the staying at this forest was a part of my long travel persistently. However, I am safe from an evil spirit and a monster as far as I am here. I always can spend days comfortable if it doesn't go out of here. So, when noticing, I had come to stay at this fine forest for long, hesitating about going out of here. "It may be better to live here all my life". As a matter of fact, I often fell into the mood like that. Certainly, it would be possible to find some truths furthermore if it goes into the wasteland. But, what does it bring me? By any chance, it may be meaningless to look for truth as the ghost having appeared in the dream I saw in the hollow told me. And, the obstruction an evil spirit or a monster gives me is too harsh for me every time. In spite of that, the truth I found out didn't make me strong. And, it didn't bring me even some gains. Instead, it is that those truths always forced me to continue the more hard travel. As it thought, it may be that the ghost in the dream in question had stated the truth though it was the ironical words. "I will stop looking for truth, because sunlight is shining enough here". I often got caught to such a thought before noticing, though it isn't so clear from when it thought so. So, it is that I decided at last to settle down here. However, one problem occurred, though it doesn't know whether it is by the thought like that. It is that I came to be often caught to the worldly desire since then. Until that, it was rare so much I feel a hunger. In spite of that, I now have the appetite so strong that it seems to be abnormal. And, I often were bothered by the sense of hunger. This is the situation I hadn't experienced until that time. I got bewildered terribly. "By any chance, did I return to reality before noticing?". I got caught to the illusion like that for a instant.
			However, when I looks around of the surrounding sight, as it thought, it doesn't seem to be real world. It is certain this is the forest the good spirit governs. When I looks down across the woods through the trees with standing on the hill, weeds and silver grasses growing thickly on the wasteland were waving hard in the rolling cold wind. Strangely, I into that sight glimpsed the evil spirits and the monsters eating each other in disgraceful behavior. Certainly, this isn't real world. However, it seems it isn't not only next world but also imaginary world. It must be actual existence materializing because of my subjective recognition. If so, why do I feel hunger? As it thought, it seems to be strange I feel hunger in spite of not being in real world. I got bewildered in this unbelievable situation and felt a fear.
	By any chance, would it have been accustomed to peace too much here? So, would it be it had become thinking nothing else but to eat? Or would the hunger I feel now be mere illusion? However, it is fact that I feel hunger. It never be my fancy. It is certain my feeling hunger is fact because this is one's own touch though it feels strange a little. Anyhow, it was certain a hunger is independent impulse not relating to my flesh at least in this place. Anyhow, I feels a hunger now actually. If so, it doesn't seem it is useful to think of its cause for long. If it thinks to have a decent living, it seems it should earn my daily bread with turning over the soil, cutting down the trees. At that time, I thought so as if it is natural course. It probably is because I had become estranged from true thinking for long. "It is impossible to deny a fact". Thinking so, I worked to earn my daily bread desperately. And, I also fulfilled the request the hunger and worldly desires produce. However, the various desires become stronger a next moment it is fulfilled. And, it shook me hard increasingly, trying to manipulate me. Furthermore, as it thought before, the circumstances like that were fact, not my fancy. Nobody can deny fact. At least it was the fact I selected for recognition.
	Anyhow, the desires gushing out of me one after another force me to accumulate the wealth insistently. So, I worked single-mindedly, accepting those requests obediently. And, in that result, I came to be rich. I now can view the beautiful rice fields or other from my residence standing on the hill. And, the pasture the cows and so on have a rest in is extending until reaching the border of the woods and the detestable wasteland. The land to cultivate is nowhere any more. Since many trees had been cut down, the vestige of the former forest almost had been lost. Also the hollow in question having helped me can be found out nowhere. So, feeling of loneliness passed through my heart as a time. However, desires push the sentimental mood like that to the bottom of the mind. "It is sin to not recognize a fact because of the having a longing to a lost thing too much". I, thinking so, admitted the fact that the forest is about to be lost. And, I also didn't look back at the past.
	Look at that! The forest the good spirit governs on is producing the great wealth, already changing to the beautiful fields. It always keeps on increasing many crops and many livestock for me. My wealth grew acceleratedly. I was on the crest of the wave in the middle of the abundant wealth at that time. However, it is strange. Recently, my mind often is confused by a inexpressible sense of futility. And, suspicious feelings well up out of the bottom of the heart as a time. Furthermore, it often shaken me hard, becoming a brutal impulse. However, I can't know its reason. So, I lost the peace of the mind. The weeds, and so on in the weird wasteland recently often rustle strangely though it doesn't know why. By any chance, would it relate with my suspicious impulse? However, I can't find the answer at all though it thinks many times. Probably it is because I lost the custom to think deeply. I only can accept a fact as a fact. The vague anxiety kept on growing in my mind day after day. And, I fell into a sleeplessness at last. After several weeks, I was examining my wealth, while reading the figure of accounts. When I peep at the sky through the window in a glance, it is fine more than usual days. I went to the wide verandah casually, carrying the books under my arm. There is my favorite rocking chair on the verandah. I, sitting down on there, again started to examine my wealth.
			However, it feels a sleepiness somehow. Probably the cause is the sleeplessness. I had slept because of warm sunlight carelessly before noticing. Just then, fragments of dream often cross my mind. And, a dull dream in worldly desire started to be unrolled. It is that the numbers of cows and the numbers of sheep each had been changed, before noticing, each time it calculates the wealth. However, at that time, the total of the sheep and cows doesn't change. And, the total of the wealth has the same value every time it calculates. "Was cow same as sheep? Why don't numbers of them increase?". I in the middle of the dream were repeating the calculation insistently, possessed to uncanny question.
	Just then, I fell into a strange situation suddenly. It is that I felt a sign of someone, from the outside of the dream. "Is it an illusion?". However, somehow it doesn't seem it is so. I suddenly opened the eyes, and turned the eyes to a direction the strange sign seems to come from. When it sees, one strange old man is standing behind me. He had stared at me with the eyes fulfilled with the hatred. The old man strangely without vigor is too slender like a withered twig. To all appearances, he doesn't look to be common being. By any chance, would it be a ghost or evil spirit? I got frightened for a instant. I were paying attention to the suspicious sign the wasteland gives off, ever since it went into this forest. However, it is certain I am safe if I don't go into the wasteland. In that reason, it may be that I had neglected paying attention before noticing. So, it seems that I got frightened in spite of oneself because of this unexpected situation. The old man says "it was mistake I rescued you" with suspicious atmosphere. "Why, did he now say he rescued me? If so, had I seen him?". However, it can't remember. I sank myself into the thinking. And, narrowly I realized he is the good spirit governing the forest. It is that I had forgotten him under the reason I am busy, until just now. However, why did he become shabby like that? His gray clothes having a faint brown color are miserable condition terribly as if it is moth-eaten-leaves or other. And, his skin is pale strangely. By any chance, he may have illness of something. Or else, is he getting hungry? Apparently, it seems its possibility is strong. If so, he must have come here to beg. It isn't forgetting it was under the care of him in the old days. I stint him of nothing if within the food or old clothes. I had looked down on the good spirit before noticing. And, I didn't try to understand his words.
	However, the spirit dying looking says "I had told you this problem many times, but you didn't notice my talk because of your too strong desire", staring at me with the eyes fulfilled with hatred. However, I yet don't know what his words mean. "Why, what bad did I do for you? Say obediently "give me something".". At the bottom of the heart, I spat out at him the oath like that in spite of oneself. And, I asked him modestly "What are you talking about?", pretending to know nothing. However, the good spirit shows the anger in the looks suddenly. "Don't you notice yet?". He blamed me like that ironically as if it says I am silly. The tone of talking is so strong that it doesn't look to be the dying spirit's utterance at all. It is certain he is feeling anger considerably. Since I don't know the reason, yet, I sank myself into the thinking for some time.
	However, it doesn't seem there is problem particularly. I only increased the crops and livestock, and so on, cutting down trees and cultivating soil. So, I asked him "What of my behavior has hurt your feelings?" straight but modestly, hiding my irritation in effort. However, the dying looking spirit turns his face away from me, saying nothing. And, he, after keeping the silence for a little while, started to tell me in the low tone slowly. It is that it says "I helped you, thinking you are a little clever as a human, but, I were foolish, I regret having expected of you". It was obvious he is getting disgusted at me when it observes his atmosphere. However, I am excellent man having gained the fine wealth like this. It has upset me that he uttered the words to deny my life. "Am I foolish? Why is it?". I asked him like that in strong tone in spite of oneself. The dying looking spirit says. "Oh, you know nothing, but, it may be the natural result because you see nothing else but the past.". It was the utterance with terribly cold atmosphere. But, what is he saying? I can't understand at all. "What do you mean? What don't I know?". I questioned him like that in spite of oneself in irritation. However, his reaction is strange. He smiles sadly, drooping one's head a little, and says like a monologue "It is meaningless it explains after long time because I die, soon." in the ironical tone. But, does the spirit not having the flesh die really?
			By any chance, it may be that he said like that, getting angry against me. Even if it isn't the reason like that, it is easy to imagine something of my behavior has upset him. Anyhow, isn't it that to give me threat like that is too cruel for me? I, thinking so at once, asked him "Do you say you don't defend me?" with giving off the voice modestly. However, he doesn't answer at all. He melted into the dark gradually, while leaving the regrettable atmosphere, and disappeared at last. Though I waked up there, it doesn't seem it is mere dream. I felt it is the notice of something. However, what notice is it? By any chance, does it relate to the suspicious impulse I often feel recently? Though it doesn't know why, I felt a presentiment of collapse vaguely.
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Cotosiro