"The being behind this world. "  3. The strange turn of fate. This first was written in Japanese language in 2004 year. Then, this time, it was translated into English again. December 23, 2015. It changed the title, in my convenience, and corrected the unsatisfactory parts of English in the extent of my knowledge. It added the several URL to link up in July 19, 2016. It fixed the language of html in February 9, 2017. Noguti Hiromasa.						Home for the English edition. 4. Katuo's ability.
	October 2, 1999: I, to confirm the former-latter relationship about my memories, have needed longer time than I guessed. By any chance, because of the aging, is my brain in this condition? Or, is it a temporary phenomenon? I used to recollect easily former days in the period I still was young. If so, as it thought before, is this cause an aging? Anyhow, it seems that it needs to cherish the brain. I am remembering almost nothing as for Katsuo's junior high school period. It was rare that he in those days goes out from his home except going to the school as I was so. Furthermore, the school we entered is different from each. It was natural that there wasn't the occasion to see him. So, I in those days had forgotten him at all. But, when I try to raise up my memory somehow, I could recollected that I had found him a few times in those days. However strangely I in those days thought that isn't Katsuo. It is it couldn't have the consciousness that it is Katsuo. "But why is it?" I couldn't understand the thing well even when I was the high school student. So, in those days I once had asked the Katsuo "How do you think about it?" tentatively. Then, he says "When I found far you, I was so, too!". Although we after all couldn't find the reason why we each felt that isn't him, I remember I at that time felt the strange turn of fate in between him and me. Anyhow, he in the junior high school age was a complete stranger for me. However, when it thinks why I in the highschool age felt the strange turn of fate like that, it seems that it was because I had an interest in him ever since it was an infant. It must have been that I in the infant period had wanted to play with a toy and so on together with him at the depths of the heart. But, I in those days wasn't aware of one's mind like that at all. So, I probably had created into my heart the fake relationship between him and me when it views far him though it can't recollect what relationship concretely. And I must have been regarding the false relationship like that as the fact. "I want him to be friend, but it is hard to be so for me.". There probably was the dilemma like that in my heart. So, it seems that that dilemma distorted my recognition about Katsuo, and made me think "that isn't Katsuo" in the junior high school age. And, at that time, I probably hadn't wanted to get conscious of my dilemma. Needless to say, it must have been because it worried the peace in mind is destroyed with getting conscious of one's mental conflict. Even now, there are the cases that it isn't aware of one's mind as a time. Should it think about the thing "the child is father of the man"? Or else, is it because my passive nature pushes my true mind into the bottom of the heart, even now? Anyhow, it was certain that I'm with the personality similar to Katsuo. If so, by any chance is there his madness in my heart, too? I recently get caught to the uneasiness like that as a time. But since at the moment, I'm very normal, it would be unfounded suspicion probably.
The secret of memory and the possibility world.			By the way, I, when entering the highschool, entered the oil painting's club immediately. Just then Katsuo also was there. Since it wasn't that we don't know each other at all, I came to be frank with Katsuo relatively early than the others. By any chance, it may be because it felt the loose tension characteristic to each is likable. Or else, is it that the interest in each in the infant period led us to be frank? If it thinks with common sense, it is hard to think we can be frank for each in spite of each passive nature. But in reality I could get along with Katsuo strangely. However it needs the explanation about each loose tension a little. At least as for Katsuo, it is because the loose tension like that was the fake which had been forged to hide certain truth. In reality, he always was in the tensed condition though I didn't notice the thing until I entered the third grade of highschool. To tell the truth, I hadn't a interest in oil painting so when it entered the highschool. Since there were the school regulations that the students all have to enter the club of something, it selected the oil painting's club which looks relatively easygoing. "It learns moderately, and plays around moderately". After I entered the school, at least the first term I under the shallow thought like that almost was thinking nothing about a future of mine. But, as well as the other students, it was obliged to change the attitude like that because of preparation to enter an university, soon. In that meaning, I was the pretty common student.
	However, Katsuo entered that club with the considerably serious motive, being different from me. And its serious motive was related to his personality and also the experience in the pupil period probably. Although I in those days knew nothing, when he entered the primary school, his mother started to work as if it is natural. So, it was rare she was in the home in the daytime. I heard considerably after that she was working to pay the loan on the new house. Because of that, he always was in the home by oneself. And, he couldn't make friends with anyone because of his passive nature. However, since this is the talk about the 1950's, the video game or other is in nowhere else but to be in the imaginary world of far future. And, since a television in those days was expensive considerably, there also wasn't a television in his home. Although there was the radio, since it spent the electricity considerably, it couldn't listen to the radio so long with considering the power rates. It is because the vacuum tube, not semiconductors have been used, in those days. So, daytime, the radio's switch always was in the cut condition, except the time for news. His parents permitted him to listen to the radio for fifteen minutes or for thirty minutes only when the story for child is on air. According to Katsuo, the television came to his home at last when Katsuo was the fifth or sixth grade in the primary school. However, his parents didn't permit him to see the television at daytime. And its rule was kept completely. Since he was very obedient, even if the parents weren't in the home, there wasn't the thing he sees the television selfishly. But, it necessarily doesn't mean he was a good boy. Since he didn't like so-called learning so, it was rare that he does the learning in the home, besides the homework. However, since that times, smart phone and personal computer and so on are nowhere, even if he spends very long free time by oneself in the room without the toys or other, the things he can do were limited. So, when he was the schoolboy he, being in the home almost everyday, was sinking into the fancy-world while reading a book, or was drawing the illustrations or paintings and was spending tedious or happy time regarding them for long. Although it heard that his friends increased slightly when it was the junior high school student, it is better to think that his basic nature didn't change because he seems to have been in the home for long as well as the time he was schoolboy. To read a book and to draw, and so on were his daily pleasant works it should never lack. His mother liked reading the book ever since it was girl. So, it seems that she expected Katsuo to cultivate the same taste as her. She often gave him the recommendable books, for example the stories, the novels, the pictorial books, and the guide books of paintings, and so on, with selecting from the various fields ever since he was infant. "More than everyone, I know the stories written for a child.". He had the pride like that secretly.
	Needless to say, he for diversion as a time went to the square or the vacant land weeds are growing in. But, the creatures playing with him are almost ants, grasshoppers, cat or frogs, and so on, not a few friends, in many cases. In spite of that, he was satisfied in that for the moment. Especially in the period he was schoolboy, the playing with a few friends wasn't so important event at least at his consciousness. In the highschool age, he once had said "I can speak with cat and insects" with the serious look. Although I thought at that time "that would be as a joke", by any chance, it may be that he have believed so from the heart. However, his mind was about to become anxious state when he is about to enter the second grade after he entered the junior high school. The sense of alienation which wells up from the bottom of the heart he isn't conscious of so clearly. And the self-evaluation that to all appearances, my appearance and brain is ordinary or slightly inferior. Although it was reading various book as before, the gloom he feels becomes strong increasingly as time goes on. And he came to spend the days like rather tedious cloudy sky that it copes with the theme given from the teacher only monotonously, not having a dream particularly. Although his mental condition like that continued until he completes the junior high school course, it seems that a trouble of something which occurred between his parents in those days was one of the causes of the situation like that he fell into.						Three dimension universe with characteristic time.
	I remember Katsuo in the university period said "I guess that the trouble between my parents gave me bad influence though I don't know well what problem it was concretely". In those days, since his father's income became good considerably, his mother quitted the job that it started because of the loan. So, the situation that his mother is in the home together with Katsuo became the ordinary sight. And his mother started to care for him or intervene in him so frequent that it looks strange. Katsuo at first guessed that since my mother quitted the job, it is because she had too much spare time. But, according to Katsuo, he had gotten caught to the vague anxiousness at that time, feeling that his interpretation is different from truth though it doesn't know why. And, it also says that this anxiousness continued for long since then till it completes the junior high school course. According to Katsuo, his mother, as a time told Katsuo that she heard the husband's mother thankful words many times on the thing that she married the son who will become Katsuo's father. Katsuo remember that he was nonplussed, feeling "why must I hear this talk?" everytime it hears this talk since it isn't the talk related to him so. Although Katsuo in those days didn't know what had happened in his household, his unconsciousness must have been feeling the crack in between his parents sensitively. Probably she in those days had tasted the agony so terrible that it may lose one's identity, because of the trouble in between herself and the husband. So, it seems that she started to take care of Katsuo, trying to keep one's identity. However Katsuo in those days had only felt the mother like that to be annoying, not trying to know the reason. As it thought before, his consciousness also must have been aware of that trouble vaguely. So, he probably pushed into the bottom of the heart the recognition that there is the trouble of something between his parents. In other words, it seems that he turned one's back to reality, fearing to look at reality. His home in those days was going very well if it sees from the economical viewpoint. So, they were spending the considerably active wealthy days as if it forgot the former poor life. By any chance, it may be that the thing brought the crack in to the marital relationship. When it considers the situation of the present society, it is possible to guess like that. Anyhow, it doesn't seem that the household environment like that doesn't influence him. At that time, his heart was about to fall into the anxious situation surely.
The physical world the cognition-subject sees.			However, since he originally was quiet child, for him, it was hard to go astray. He despised a person tempting the others to evil or behaving violently so harsh that it looks abnormal though by any chance, it seems that it was the influence from television animation. And he also didn't want to be child who pretends a good child, while doing evil secretly. He in those days had wanted to keep on being true good child though it doesn't know how much he in those days was conscious of one's mind like that. However whom would he have wanted to keep on being a good child for? It seems to have been for his mother in the case of him probably. His mother, in his infant period and in those days, kept on taking care of him as if it clings to him. Although Katsuo always had hated it, it can't make light of the influence brought from the mother. It is better to think that it is natural that he wanted to keep on being a good child for his mother.
	However, his mind like that came to involve the serious problem though it seems that he wasn't noticing the thing clearly. He in the junior high school age had turned one's back to reality, withdrawing into one's shell. Or else, it may be better to say that he, starting to notice reality difficult to see straight and being bewildered because of the thing, withdrew into one's shell. Needless to say, the trouble between his mother and father was one of reality like that. And, reality like that he doesn't want to recognize had given his mind bad influence. Although it doesn't know whether it is the cause or not, he in those days was drawing many illustrations of ghosts or monsters besides other illustrations and the scribblings. It once had heard there were about ten sketchbooks those illustrations were drawn in, excluding the other illustrations. Furthermore, the illustrations like that always were drawn with the gruesome touches. "In those days there were the considerably pent-up feelings in my mind". Although I forgot when it was, he once had stated to me the self-examination like that as if it murmurs. For him, the junior high school period was the Dark Ages like Middle Ages. Thereupon, he, when entering the high school, made up one's mind to change oneself. He one day had said that it thinks to become a painter while practicing painting at the highschool. But, strangely Katsuo well couldn't explain why it selected a painter. Although I felt strange at that time, it didn't think about his talk deeply, thinking that by any chance there may be the case like that. But, when it think about it now, it may have been the sign that his thinking circuit started to get broken. Next day of the day Katsuo expressed his decision, He said that it is because the teacher in the junior high school age did praise nothing except my painting. Since it wasn't the talk of interest to me so, I answered "Is it so?"simply. Just then he murmurs with the low tone, weak voice that it necessarily may not be that it has to be a painter. I remember that murmur, strangely clearly.
	However, since it apparently seems that he had the considerable self-confidence in one's painting secretly, it doesn't seem that he decided to become a painter with vague motive. By any chance, did he evade saying the true mind? It as a time was hard to know whether his talk is from the heart or is as a joke. He had the strange habit like that. Anyhow, it is certain that to enter the oil painting club was one serious decision for him. And, it seemed that his personality started to change to good condition at least at that time. So, apparently his mental Renaissance looked to succeed, soon. Although I was glad about his change like that from the heart, I remember that on the other hand it also was caught to vague uneasiness, feeling it was left somehow.						Civilization and living body.
	However, his try like that miscarried, soon because of the parents' objection. "If you concentrate on the painting, you would neglect school work. Your now work is the entering a university. Think about the painting after you entered a university. If it is as the hobby, we'll allow it.". The parents' opinion was like that. In those days, certainly the teacher had recognized his talent. But, it isn't easy so to succeed in the world of the painting. And since everyone knows the thing, by any chance, the parents' opinion may have been right. But, it doesn't know whether his parents' opinion was proper. Anyhow it was certain that the parents' opinion like that against him took away the chance to realize the difficulty of the thing. And, regrettably, he followed the parents' opinion without contradicting particularly, soon. So, his gray colored student life started. It seems that he lacked the strong will at least in those days. He, when entering the second grade in the high school, started to read the philosophical books without taking notice of even novels. Needless to say, he had become perfunctory about the school work. It seems that his behavior like that was stealthy resistance to his parents. Although I also read a philosophical book a little, it always wasn't from an pure interest in the philosophy. I think that it is better to think that it rather was from interest in unknown things. And, as for the thing, it seems that Katsuo wasn't so different from me, at least at first. Anyhow it seems that we in those days strongly felt interest in the things it doesn't learn in the school. So, I often argued about various things with him, imitating the Socratic method stated in Dialogues of Plato. However when it thinks about this now, it almost was the game, not philosophy. So, I stopped the game like that soon, to concentrate on the learning to enter a university. But it seems that he continued it by oneself ever since. It seems that his original logic and worldview kept on growing because of the thing.
The origin of Japanese culture.			However, his worldview at the beginning was based on only the justice he thinks and the ideal he thinks. Because of that, the world he thinks was terribly dreamy world quite different from reality. So, his thought and behavior had lost freedom, being restricted to the very narrow world. Since he sometime had said so, it would be truth probably. "At least the subjective world needs to be open system. In other words, the subjective world has to be the world able to keep the consistency not only between the subjective world and an objective recognition but also between the subjective world and an unknown logic and also between the subjective world and an unknown. If not, that world is fake surely". I remember that he said like that later. But he in the high school period, being caught to the narrow world, was thinking "my thought is complete" by oneself. And he still wasn't concentrating on the learning. Although he was supposed to be cleverer than me, he entered the university I entered one year ago. And also the Department he selected was in the Faculty of Law I have been learning in those days.
1. The sudden letter.    2. Katsuo in kid ages.    4. Katuo's ability.    5. Lifework.    6. The wavering soul.    7. Satan's intrigue.    8. The mystery about recognition.
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