"The being behind this world. "   6. The wavering soul. This first was written in Japanese language in 2004 year. Then, this time, it was translated into English again. December 27, 2015. It changed the title, in my convenience, and corrected the unsatisfactory parts of English in the extent of my knowledge. It added the several URL to link up in July 19, 2016. It fixed the language of html in February 9, 2017. Noguti Hiromasa.						Home for the English edition. 7. Satan's intrigue.
	August 22, 2000: It couldn't write this for long because it was busy in the work until now. But it thinks that it needed this blank times to think about Katsuo more deeply. 1: The suffering Katsuo. Several months before Katsuo enters the hospital, I heard the rumor that he said "I'll show the gratitude with my blessing because I'm poor". However, this utterance is problem though it seems that it was as a joke. It seems that a thoughtless person not knowing his personality well spreads out the bad rumor, saying "he became stingy, by any chance, he isn't normal anymore as I thought before". Although I also doubted his mental condition slightly, I blamed him, saying "Don't say such a lacking of thought!" in my heart. Certainly, there isn't the thing he sent me gift or other during his lifetime. I knew already in the university period his habit to dislike sending a person a gift. It isn't that he became stingy because of poverty. If so, by any chance, was he stingy ever since birth? Well, although this is as a joke in the purpose I pleasure oneself secretly, I in the university period was thinking his naive personality makes him do so. "He feels guilty about sending a person a gift". In those days, I also understood him like that. When he still was working in the company, I remember that it happened to drink sake in the bar with him. And, at that time he muttered "when I sent customers and so on a gift or take them to an amusement center, I feel me looking down them, become the mood to hate one's self doing the things like that", while drinking beer and sake. But, if it is common person, it seems that it is natural mind that it want to send a customer a gift. I got bewildered, feeling for a moment he says strange thing. However, it seems that he had felt the behavior like that is same as a bribe. So, I now also recalled he at that time murmured "Do I lack thankful mind a little?". It seems that he was thinking about oneself variously in the manner of him. Anyhow, his too fastidious personality like an illness is related to the wall in between his world and the outside world hard to climb over in spite of his desperate try. At least I think so now. We are the living things doing a life with crowding as well as most living things. And in the community like that, there is the bonds called the fellow feeling. So, people help each other to live. Although I don't know about the foreign country, there is the sense in Japan that it is important to share the fellow feeling with the buyer, customer and supplier partly. However, in the case of Katsuo, it seems that the wall in question obstructed him sharing the fellow feeling like that. So, it seems that he have wanted to exchange the information in the soul of each person, without concerning of the worldly desire though it doesn't know whether it is possible or not. By any chance, it may be that his request like this to demand to others was born of the thinking like a dogma characteristic to him. Probably this was his firm belief anymore. But since I at that time was drinking beer, it was making light of his saying. At that time, it may be that I should have listened to him in the more kind attitude. It is because it seems that he was suffering considerably in those days. By any chance, it may be that he resigned the company because of his troubles or worry like that.
Three dimension universe with characteristic time.			However, in spite of shouldering the serious troubles like that, he was with a happy-go-lucky nature at the same time. "If I give someone my blessing from the heart, he will get the luck he hopes". he may have been thinking like that really. Rather, it should say that it must be so because it is that he who is honest said so. By any chance, his thought like that may be the proof that he had the infantile character partly till it died. Or else, it may be that he uttered the words like that before entering the hospital because he in those days had been caught to the madness as I worried for long ever. Now the time passed considerably, it can't know anymore which is truth. But, I now feel that it is hard to assert that his utterance like that is a mere delusion though a person may think I'm saying a strange thing. As a matter of fact, it recalls there often was a fortunate thing for me when it was learning together with him. Needless to say, it may be that it was a mere coincidence. However, he in the student age had given off the atmosphere so enigmatic that it makes me think so.
	However, how would his vague uneasiness to be symbolized in Satan be related to his infantile optimistic character? Since it seems that such two features of him are contradictory, it is hard to think that those exist into him at same time, if it thinks about this with the common sense. But, he looked to have had those at same time in reality. If so, it should think those have a relationship of something with each. But, it also is possible to select an interpretation different from that. In other words, it is because those may have no relationship if the cause those exist into him at same time is his mental illness. Needless to say, it is hard to know which is the right interpretation. In fact, I'm in the situation it can't make the decision even now. In connection with that, I remember Katsuo had said "when I was the junior highschool student, it seems there was trouble of something between my parents". By any chance, it may be that he at that time had doubted the affection in between the parents. And, it seems that he also have felt a doubt to the permanence of affection. Or else, it may be that he at that time had noticed the trouble of affection in between the parents concretely. If so, it is easy to guess that he pushed the memory like that into the bottom of the heart. And, there is the strong possibility like that. It is because he at that time must have gotten disappointed by feeling the affection collapses easily. But, it seems that he hadn't wanted to recognize him to have distrust on affection. For him, the affection given from the mother was the important element to cultivate him. However, it may be that it shouldn't think that affection continues forever. It was certain that at least he thought so. Probably his optimistic character originally had come from believing firmly the affection of the mother. However, the trouble between the parents started to break his belief in affection. So, it seems that the thing gave him the uneasiness of when the affection collapses. And, that uneasiness was amplified by the horrible wall in between his world and the outside world. It seems that this is the truth probably. For the infant, the outside world almost is an unknown. And the unknown world draws the Infant's curiosity. However, it also makes him feel a kind of fear at the same time. Maybe in that reason, the relationship between an infant and the outside world is constructed under the mother's leading. In that meaning, it can say that for an infant, a mother is the existence to believe, which indicates first the way the infant understands the outside world. And, it seems that such understanding about a mother is the recognition all infants have primitively. However as for Katsuo, it was different from the common infants in that he has the thick wall in his heart. He in the infant period was in the room without light, was existence who wants one's perception. And in the open, there was the world filled with light that he should perceive. And he was longing to be into the outside world like that, and frolic together with light. However, light which fills the outside world almost doesn't come into his room. Therefore he felt the thick transparent wall which is difficult to cross over between his room and the outside world filled with light. By any chance, this unconscious recognition he has may have been related to his weak constitution. Therefore, the affection to be poured from the mother was important for him more than the other infants. And, it seems that his unconscious mind like that didn't change even in his junior high school period. And unfortunately, he notices there is the trouble between the parents in his junior highschool age. So, he started to doubt the affection it had thought there is forever till that time. If the affection like that is lost, the horrible wall in question would shut him into the dark, obstructing the course he should go on. It seems that Katsuo at that time was caught to the uneasiness like that. And, it also was the fear of losing the recognition, was the fear of being swallowed to the nothingness. Or, should it say that the fear of losing affection has changed to the more conscious anxiousness in the influence of the transparent wall in question?
	Anyhow, in spite of his growing anxiousness of losing affection, it seems that he couldn't finish doubting the affection. So, he probably had acted one's self who believes the affection before noticing, pushing one's doubt into the bottom of the heart. His optimism in the junior highschool age had included the deceptiveness like that probably. But, it doesn't seem that he in those days was aware of one's deceptiveness like that. His optimism based on deceptiveness must have been the unconsciousness' work. Anyhow, in spite of his growing anxiousness of losing affection, it seems that he couldn't finish doubting the affection. The doubt to affection which was driven away to the depths of the mind probably troubled him frequently, appearing to the surface of the mind suddenly. And, it also can think that his passive tendency to woman was fostered because of the doubt put on affection though it thinks the weakness he has concerned there. So, in those days, it seems that his inborn optimistic tendency secretly brought him the optimistic personality which carries deceptiveness and uneasiness behind. However, it seems there wasn't he tries to go wrong as I before said "it seems that he always hoped to be good child". In that meaning, he was loyal to one's god. But, probably the more he tries to be loyal to one's god, the more his troubles became hard to solve. So, it seems that he was obliged to spend the gloomy days filled with troubles for long without finishing settling his problems, roaming around between reality and his god.						The origin of Japanese culture.
	2: Madness or truth? If it considers my conjectures written until now, also history of Katsuo, it should think that his madness was caused not only by his passive personality, the wall in question, but also by the influence of various circumstances like that making his mind unstable as it stated before. Needless to say, he had fought with the vague uneasiness in question ever since it was infant though it didn't know any way besides the awkward manner. And he in the high school period was making the effort to change with one's manner one's self who is passive and can't break the transparent wall in question. In those days, it often saw that he keeps on insisting one's thought is proper. And, even if others come to dislike him, since he does so too insistently, I felt anxious of him a little. But on the other hand, I remember he kept on doing in silence by oneself the works in the school festival everyone doesn't want to do. Probably he at that time was feeling with his back his god is looking at him. By any chance, in the university period, the argument he tried to the left-wing also may have been a part of the effort like that. However, it seems that it couldn't finish changing one's inborn personality, feeling the sunlight doesn't arrive at oneself. I heard he said "I may be cold-hearted man" in the period he was in his thirties or fourties. Or, I may have heard the thing from him directly in telephone. Recently since I as a time fall into the situation it is unclear whether it is one's memory or not, it feels weird somehow. By any chance, it may be that I heard Katsuo's utterance unconsciously through others' consciousness if it follows Katsuo's thought. Although maybe this is as my stealthy joke, it seems that the biased impression that it is difficult to love others was in his heart, gave him the guilty sense that one's self is cold-hearted man.
The vector of the change of a living body.			Certainly, in his youth period, it may have been so. I in the university period in some way already was aware of the atmosphere cold or distant he as a time gives off. However, it seems that it came from the lack of the manner of associating oneself with others. In those days, I was understanding him like that. Although even in his fourties, his thoughtless behavior still was seen as a time, he looked to have become rather tender for others, compared with his twenties. Since the person knowing Katsuo well also had said so, my judgement would be right probably. It may be that Katsuo realized something about the relationship in between oneself and others while standing one's poverty. However, it seems that he always was doubting one's self who is tender for others. Probably it is related to the trouble in between the parents which occurred at his junior high school period. He at that time must have felt a strong shock, knowing an affection collapses easily. So, it seems that he had come to doubt even one's affection. Wouldn't he have been misunderstanding oneself for long? But, it is possible to think that his timid personality made him hesitate to pour one's affection to others. Loving one person is the shouldering the responsibility for him or her at the same time. By any chance, it may be that he was caught to the impulse to escape from the responsibility like that. Needless to say, there is possibility that anyone get caught to the impulse like that. However, in the case of Katsuo, it seems that the impulse like that was strong considerably.
	Anyhow, he was troubling oneself for long, confused because of various problems. And, his troubles like that were related to the confrontation in between his god and Satan for him probably. If it is said about reality, that mainly seems to be the problem saying that it can't go with others well. "Satan put the transparent wall between me and others though it can do as for the work well with my effort". It seems that he always had been caught to the impression like that. But, on the other hand, he also had understood oneself as a socially spoilt person. If it acts the defense about his impression of himself, it have to say "he had nothing of selection else but to stand the poverty, accepting all troubles as the fact, to follow one's god obediently". However, he fell into madness after all, unable to finish standing Satan's attack. I guessed like that for the moment though it may be the superficial opinion. Anyhow, it seems that the core of his madness can be found out of the letter in question Katsuo sent me. So, recently I came to read that letter to know his mind whenever I happen to find spare time. Or else, would it be better to say it tried to go into his mind? He during his lifetime, often talked about the spiritual world which connects the people. Probably it is because he was given the influence from Jung. I remember he also said "I can see the spiritual world", before. It may be natural to think that his madness made him say like that. But, I feel his talk is true somehow or other. Since to tell the truth I'm the believer of Jung, by any chance, it may be that it had thought so from the beginning. And, I also recall that Katsuo often appeared in front of me when in the university period the image of him crosses my mind suddenly. Needless to say, it is easy to say that it is the coincidence. However, conversely it also is hard to say that it isn't coincidence easily. By any chance, it may be that he could see the spiritual world really. And, at that time, his mind wasn't in the usual condition probably though it seems to be different from so-called madness.
	In other words, it is it is hard to assert that his recognition all is the delusion even if his mind was in the unusual condition. Then I once heard that there are the cases that the person, as a time, notices certain truth when the said person is in certain special mental condition different from usual. It heard that especially as for most of religious experience, it occurs under the mental condition like that actually. Even the discovery in natural science is brought under the condition like that as a time. For example, it is the discovery occurring in dream if it states the case drawing no problem. Probably it seems that such dream can be explained partly with scientific thinking. In other words, the dream like that is based on the unconscious thinking to be done at sleeping, the certain scholars say. And it seems there is such a case actually. In other words, the unconscious thinking or the conclusion appears in a dream probably. However, it is hard to think that the discovery under the special mental condition all finished getting explained with only the opinion like that. At least I think there is the cause furthermore deeper than the former explanation behind the special dream. If Katsuo talks about it, he would say "the dream which brings the discovery is shown because the window called consciousness focuses on the spiritual world, finds out the answer". And, since the discovery given from the dream like that is the subjective recognition until it is compared with the fact and recognized objectively, it is hard to assert that Katsuo's opinion is dubitable. It is because Katsuo as cognition-subject recognized like that. In other words, it has to think Katsuo's opinion like that is proper at least as the explanation of the subjective world if there isn't contradiction between his opinion and reality.						The secret of memory and the possibility world.
	Then, the world finally is subjective world which includes objective recognition which should be adopted as the material to subjective recognition because objective recognition originally is the object the cognition-subject has to recognize. And if it thinks from the above viewpoint about the opinion Katsuo states, it seems that it is important as it thought before. Then, it also seems that his mental world is deep considerably. By any chance, it may be that the depth like that invited him to the madness. Probably, he went into one's mind recklessly, without proper manner, and advanced toward the bottom of the heart blindly. And, he collides with one's thinking logical contradictions and also mental contradiction, soon, and, went to the depths of the heart furthermore, trying to find the sure truth while thinking about one's contradictions. Then, he soon notices one's self is cognition-subject. Furthermore, he also realized that all objects for cognition-subject not only are the outside world but also are one's mind. For Katsuo, cognition-subject is the will to want cognition. And the spiritual world is spreading behind him though in front of his consciousness' eyes, material world is spreading usually. So, he thought that it may be possible to see the spiritual world if the window called consciousness can be turned to the spiritual world. Although it becomes hard to see the spiritual world if his consciousness is caught to the material world, he actually tried to see the unknown world with turning the window called consciousness to the spiritual world consciously, based on such thought. It must be because he was aware of one's possibility like that. And, he must have succeeded in that try probably. However, it wasn't that he could do so, with regular religious training as it stated just before. In that reason, he, often roamed around the spiritual world because of Satan's intrigue and stepped into the place full of demons. And, the road he should go on was obstructed by Satan as a time. In spite of that, he realized there is the Satan's intrigue, while fighting the monstrous beings and demons, or while escaping the insistent chase. However, his realization like that is noticed by Satan, soon. So, he was held in the mental hospital. I had accepted the fancy like that as if it is the fact before noticing. Needless to say, it may be the problem that accept as truth the imaginary world Satan, and so on are active in. However, it is hard to assert that it is the problem. Most of people believe that all phenomenons in this world occur, based on causation and logical relationship. However, should it believe so really? Can you assert that the other elements aren't related to phenomenons like that really? Our recognition and understanding is restricted by the ability of our five senses, ability of our brain, or other. If it considers it, it is possible to think that this world is moving, based on something we can't grasp with our ability. In other words, it can't assert that this world has no relationship different from logical relationship and causation. If it is said from the viewpoint of our recognition, it is that at the moment we are forced to understand this world, depending on only causation and logical relationship. If so, it can't assert that besides causation and logical relationship, the world doesn't have the other relationship.
Civilization and living body.			In passing, it is natural that it can't use causation when thinking about the birth of the space-time because causation is nowhere if space-time doesn't exist. And this idea also seems to have to be applied to logical relationship. In other words, it is it can think the world without logical relationship exists if it can think the world without causation exists. But in this case, it has to accept a strange conclusion. If it thinks with common sense, in this case the world without causation is included to the world which is without the logical relationship. But, since the opponent is the world which is without logical relationship, it can't assert that causation of something isn't born there. Furthermore it also can't assert that logical relationship of something isn't born there because that world is without logical relationship. What an incomprehensible world it is! But, it is that it can't assert that the world like that never exist. If so, even if someone believes there are the god and Satan, it also can't assert that it is the misunderstanding. For us, the god and Satan are real existence impossible to recognize directly. At least Katsuo had thought so. But even if his thought is right, as for existence of the god and Satan, it has to be argued, based on the concept of possibility. It is because no one can perceive the god and Satan directly. Although At least I now thinks so, I still can't judge whether this conjecture really is right or not. If it asks Katsuo about this, what on earth would he say about it?
1. The sudden letter.    2. Katsuo in kid ages.    3. The strange turn of fate.    4. Katsuo's ability.    5. Lifework.    7. Satan's intrigue.    8. The mystery about recognition.
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