"The being behind this world. "        2. Katsuo in kid ages.   This first was written in Japanese language in 2004 year. Then, this time, it was translated into English again. December 19, 2015. It changed the title, in my convenience, and corrected the unsatisfactory parts of English in the extent of my knowledge. It added the several URL to link up in July 19, 2016. It fixed the language of html in February 9, 2017. Noguti Hiromasa.						Home for the English edition. 3. The strange turn of fate.
	September 26, 1999: It now is writing about the environment surrounding Katsuo I saw in the period he was the infant. Although it intended to finish writing in the shorter period, since my memory isn't so clear, it needs long time, to confirm whether my memory is right or not. Furthermore, since it recently is busy with the business, it can't do this work except Saturday and Sunday. Although it feels irritation a little, it has to keep my patience for this work. I know about Katsuo from the time when he was the infant. To tell the truth, my house in those days was situated on the place that it can arrive, walking for about ten minutes from his home. So I, when playing about in the little public garden, used to find him frequently. But in those days, I didn't know where he lives in. And, I have no memory that I played around in together with him in those days. I was rather shy child in those days. And, he was shyer furthermore than me. Furthermore, since the primary school and middle school I entered were different from the school he went, there wasn't the chance to talk with him until we happened to enter the same highschool. However, the impression of him in those days is recollected as the clear impression. "A strange child who are alone always". I in those days had felt the impression like that about him. But I recollect that it in those days disliked the refined atmosphere he gives off. Although we were born a few years after Japan got defeated in the Second World War, since then for about ten year, many of Japanese children were with a running nose because of a lack of nourishment. However Katsuo was different from us a little. Although he was in poverty as well as me, he always had the nose not showing the secretory liquid and was putting on the spotless clothes. So, it seems that I in those days almost unconsciously had felt a kind of jealousy over him and also had a kind of sense of inferiority. But, by any chance the impression of him I felt in those days may have been one of the cause that I in the highschool age selected him as one of a few friends. And, although it doesn't know why, it feels that the thing is the evidence that I in the highschool age had found out into oneself something common to Katsuo's thought. If so, what of mine is common to Katsuo's thought? Needless to say, it is hard to find out it at once. However, the problem is the thing that the words of "satan's intrigue" in the letter cross my mind vaguely. By any chance, does this mean that I'm feeling the same fear Katsuo feels against Satan? Needless to say, my rational mind denies it as a delusion. But, my intuition suggests that it may be so. Anyhow, this never be simple problem able to be solved easily. It needs to think deeply, using enough time. So, for the moment, it returns an target of recollection to our child time. As it was stated before, it seems that I in those days had regarded Katsuo as a kind of special person. However, on the other hand, when I found far him by chance, there often were the cases that I feel superior because he looked weak terribly. Katsuo looked to be always together with his mother except the cases that he is in the outdoor by oneself. And, since he is rather short stature and slender and had the pale face, he looked to be weak really. Then, since I had heard that his father is the craftsman of fittings, is in poverty, it may be that the thing was one of the cause which inspired my sense of superiority. Although I don't know who gave me the influence like that, I had despised the job of craftsman. Although in those days I still was child, I was shameful fellow really. By any chance, it may be that my sense of superiority like that was the compensation for the sense of inferiority I feels against him. Anyhow in those days, Katsuo at my consciousness was only someone else's child it sees once in a while.
Three dimension universe with characteristic time.			Although this is the talk Katsuo stated in the highschool age, his parents were living in his grandmother's house with the father's eldest brother's family until he entered the primary school. Needless to say, that was the inevitable situation which occurred because of the poverty though most people were in poverty in those days. But Katsuo in the highschool age once had said "I was to be born in the grand landowner's home". Somehow it doesn't seem to be truth. I asked him "really?" with the dubious look. Just then, he says "why, that's true!" with the angry looks. Since he always has been gentle, I was bewildered because of his unexpected behavior, heard his talk in silence. When the Second world War is about to start, his grandfather was the landowner in Hokkaido. Since the grandfather was the pioneer's first born, it is he had inherited the vast land when Katsuo's father was born. But when Katsuo's father still was infant, the grandfather died because of the sudden illness. Furthermore this unfortunate incident occurred immediately after the grandfather started the new business. So, the capital invested for the new business almost got left as the debts on his family. And as if it is the natural course, Katsuo's grandmother lost many of the property or other she inherited. She was obliged to leave even the beautiful house the grand piano was set on. So, his grandmother was obliged to live in the situation of no money for long though a few lands were left with her. When Katsuo in the highschool age speaks this kind of talk, he often used to say "Someone put a curse on my home" with the tone like a joke. But, that may have been his true mind.
	In those days, the grandmother was raising five very young children. "I have to work for my kids somehow or other". Like that she made up her mind. Since then, she, shutting her various mind about the husband up, cultivated the little lands, grew the vegetables and so on, worked desperately. In spite of that, she always was suffering with the lack of money. So, when it can't draw her income for long, she several times selling a few lands by piece, could survive with her children somehow. Needless to say, the persons doing the small scale farming were not only her in those days. Since Sapporo City still was in the process of development in those days, there were many farms and the vacant lands. And the custom of farming was left considerably. The households doing the farming weren't so rare even if it isn't the full time farmer though the reason it does farming was different corresponding to each household. However in the case of the grandmother, its reason was poverty. Since it was difficulty that a woman get a stable job in those days, it is she could do nothing else but to do agriculture. So, most of property she inherited was already under the others' ownerships when Katsuo's father started to work, reaching sixteen years old. Furthermore when the Second World War started, Her two sons were enrolled in the armed forces one after another, were obliged to go out of the home. Since the two sons had been bearing the livelihood, the grandmother again was forced into the difficult life together with their wives. But the war finished, soon. And, since fortunately her two sons came back to home one after another, surviving, the grandmother got untied from the hard life at last. Anyhow war is harsh. According to Katsuo, his father's eldest brother got interned at the prison camp which is in Karafuto(Sakhalinskaja), caught by Russian army when the war is about to finish. And, he got forced to do the harsh works at the terribly cold land together with his fellows. So, he planned the escape from prison camp and carried out that plan together with his fellows one day. They, when finding out the weak point of surveillance, went out of the prison camp and when finding a small boat, rowed toward Hokkaido island which is his land. It is natural that they tasted the terrible cold, the terrible suffering, till the time it arrives to Hokkaido on the small boat. However, how did they escape from the prison camp? How did it find out the usable boat? And, how did it cross the sea? Katsuo knew nothing about those questions. It is because his uncle didn't try to speak the details about the thing. I remember that Katsuo, after speaking this talk, said "it's curse!", frowning as if it casts the words with the small voice.
	However, I who still was highschool boy didn't know the deepness of that talk. I only heard casually it as if it is a novel or other. But, Katsuo must have spoken it with the more serious mood. Although it doesn't know whether it is a curse, it probably was certain that the rich household which was a grand landowner tasted the cruel fall. "By any chance, it may be that the noble atmosphere Katsuo gives off and I feels comes out of his lineage like that". I in those days have thought like that, hearing that talk. However, now that long time passed since then, it is hard to know whether my thought like that was so actually or not. Katsuo was born a few years after his father came back to the home. However his parents still were obliged to live in the grandmother's house together with the father's eldest brother's family. The rooms his parents were using were only the poor wooden floor room with the area of about 11 square meter and the tatami room with the area of about 15 square meter. And the poor wooden floor room originally was the dirt floor leading to the back yard. When his father tried to marry his mother, the dirt floor was remade covered with the wooden boards because of the lack of a room.						The origin of Japanese culture.
	The kitchen and toilet had been shared by Katsuo's family and his uncle's family. Then, since the water wasn't laid on, yet, many habitants in Sapporo used the well. I remember that it in infant age once had drawn water from the well, using the hand pump. I remember that it once had drawn water from the well, using the hand pump, imitating the adult's action when it was infant. It seems that my mother was using the hand pump together with me at that time probably. When maybe he is four, five years old, water was drawn to his home. However, I once had heard that the hand pump not being used was in his home's kitchen for long after water was drawn to his home. By any chance, wouldn't it be because it couldn't trust the system called waterworks? "A well is believable more than waterworks". In the thought like that, it must have thought that it is better to not take away the well as it is. In those days, the households with bath were rare. Katsuo's home wasn't with a bath, too. Instead, there were many private-concerns supplying the public bath called sentou for people everywhere. Needless to say, it isn't being parted to the individual rooms. It was large bath around thirty or fifty persons can use at the same time. Most of people took a bath in the sentou like that. And, I also in those days often went to the sentou. So, I remember that it found him there once in a while. However, I never had spoken with him. There as well as in the public garden, it only had the recognition that it is him. Probably the thing also is applied to him. We each were the terribly passive child vague of emotion and thinking. Then, although it may be hard to imagine today, the night-soil in most toilets was sucked out of the receptacle by the car with the vacuum machine in those days. It was because the sewage plants, the sewer, and so on still weren't spreading enough. Furthermore since the modern septic tank was nowhere yet, when it peeps at the receptacle through the toilet seat, it was obliged to see the night-soil whole. When it recollects the sight now, it feels like it gets goose bump in spite of oneself. But in those days this was the daily common sight really. However, there wasn't the nasty smell so. It probably would be because the house made with considering of the ventilation of the toilet, and the aerobic microbes breeding in the surface of night-soil were working well. By any chance, it may be that the method like that is the original method to cope to the night-soil. In that evidence, whenever the vacuum machine comes and sucks the night-soil out, the toilet gave off the terrible smell. According to Katsuo, their tatami room with the area of about 15 square meter was his parents' bed room, was also the living room. But that room isn't with even one window. So, his parents were obliged to live in the insufficient light which is coming in through the panes of two sliding doors used as partition of the tatami room and the wooden floor room. Then, the wooden floor room had two sliding doors panes were fitted into which lead to the back yard, and also had the long window from side to side, upon the two sliding doors, to take light in. However the wooden floor room is situated to north of the tatami room. Furthermore the tall yew trees in the back yard were growing at the distance of about one meter from the house. It would be that a part of the windbreak forest was left because I heard there once were the farms behind the back yard. So the wooden floor room always was dim, too. And also night, the tatami room and the wooden floor room was dim in spite of switching on the bulb.
The physical world the cognition-subject sees.			In those days most of the people used very poor lighting, not the beautiful we are using now. In other words, that was the lighting a bulb was set in the black socket which was hung down from the ceilling, had white round shade with a diameter of twenty five centimeters to reflect light down the ceiling. Furthermore Katsuo's parents, for power saving used the bulb of watt value lower than a necessary bulb generally. So, since light doesn't reach the corners of the room, his home also in the night was dim. Katsuo was under the environment like that, at the infant period. I remember that Katsuo sometime said it felt the poor wooden floor room dim is in the different world from the outdoor filled with light as a time. By any chance, it may be that it is because he was under the circumstances like that. Needless to say, since it is the experience in the infant period, it seems that it was vague sense. But the strange feeling like that in his heart still was left in youth. I remember that sometime he said "I feel there is the transparent wall between my dim world and the outside world filled with light", as if it murmurs.
	However, when he was infant, his mother tried to cultivate and refine Katsuo's taste eagerly, in spite of the poor life like that. It is that she, buying some books and some phonograph records with the saved money for the livings, led him to read the book and listen to the music. "I remember two records my mother bought for me at Christmas". He in the high school period one day said so with the bright looks, while hearing the music on Christmas resound in the shopping quarters. In those days, Christmas was the big event more joyful than New year's ceremony for him. I remember that he said with the look recollecting old days that it together with younger sister kept on looking at the miniature bulbs twinkling hung to the little Christmas tree which was put on the poor wooden floor. And at that time I also heard that he got impressed by the songs given off from the record player very much. Whenever Christmas comes near, Katsuo in the highschool period used to talk the old memory like that at least one time. A kind of sensitiveness he has must have got cultivated under the environment like that. Then, it seems that the sense that it longs for the outside world filled with light from one's vague dim world also have gotten cultivated there as well. And it may be that his sensitiveness was born of the sense like that. By any chance, it may be that the origin of his madness also was born in the infant period like that. Katsuo was born weak like a premature baby. And, actually he often got illness, in infant period. In that reason, his mother raised him so careful that it is said to be overprotection. Or, there is possibility that it was overprotection actually. Although I don't know whether it was because it disliked the behavior like overprotection the wife shows, the attitude his father who is craftsman showed to Katsuo was the converse of the wife at all. He, often saying "Why are you so weak?", made him lose the self-confidence. Is the cause of the father's attitude like that the mother's overprotection? Or was there the other cause? Anyhow Katsuo couldn't find out the answer at that time, yet. "I don't know why my father told me like that in those days. But everytime he said so, my mind was injured terribly". He once had said so. And at that time, he also said that the image of the father who still was young in those days is vague. But, why is the image of his father vague in spite of remembering the father's words? Although I also, when having heard this talk, thought, trying to find out the answer, in those days for me it was hard to know why it is. I remember that in the highschool age, Katsuo stated that recently the mother, as if it have recalled, said that it was rare that the father went back to the home immediately, finishing the work. And I heard from him as his mother's talk that his father who still was young in those days went to the amusement center to drink together with the customers or with the subourdinates or the fellow members almost every night. So, there almost wasn't the thing that he and his mother took the evening meal together with his father.
	Whenever his father goes back to the home, Katsuo had slept. At that time, Katsuo said with the tone like a joke "Well, since my mother spoke as if it grumbles, she must have had a complaint to her husband though I don't know what is it". But, next moment, Katsuo said with suddenly putting on the serious look that the vague image of the father in those days was brought by his experience like that probably. However, when I think about this problem now, it seems that that cause isn't only that. In those days, the husbands late coming back to the home weren't confined to his father. Needless to say, my father was like, too. But, the memory I have about my father who is in those days is clear considerably. If so, it seems that the cause of the Katsuo's vague memory like that is different from his understanding a little. It must be because certain experience of his infant period is suppressed unconsciously. His mind probably was injured deeply because of the experience of something like that first since the time when he was born though I don't know whether that cause is his father's thoughtless words. Although apparently it doesn't seem that he has the self-awareness like that, it was certain that he in those days hadn't a good impression on the father.						Civilization and living body.
	However, according to Katsuo, it wasn't there is no likeable memory of the father. He says that it remembers considerably clear he first, went to skiing to Mt. Moiwa in the suburb of Sapporo City with the father, walking about one hour. It seems it was after he entered the primary school if it considers the context of his talk. Then, his father took him to one's workplace several times to the time he was schoolboy, from the time he was infant. For Katsuo, this also was one of the likeable image of the father. After this talk, he said "At that time, I felt pride in my father". A human being is strange creature really. He says that the parent-child relationship between him and his father was bad for long till his father died because of illness. But it seems there wasn't the affections for the father are lost, if it considers his talk. His heart about the father was complex. It would be because his mind have been injured deeply because of the father's behavior of something. By any chance, this complex mind of him also may have been one of the causes of his madness. When Katsuo in the infant age was toying with the lump of sand in the square by oneself, several children, coming near him, jeered at him, saying "Oh, the young sir in poor household" once in a while. To tell the truth, I remember that sight. It seems that the bad kids, hearing the thoughtless adult's words like that somewhere, spat it out at Katsuo whole. Needless to say, although I didn't show the behavior like that everywhere because I showed myself to be always a good child, it seems there was the impulse like that in somewhere of my heart. I rather must have felt the sense of superiority over Katsuo when caught to the impulse like that probably. In that meaning, I probably was one of the bad children like that. Anyhow, Katsuo in those days seems to have accepted the others' thoughtless words and the father's contempt, like a imprinting. By any chance, too much care from the mother may have influenced the Katsuo's acceptance like that. "I'm weak really". He often must have been caught to the negative emotion like that. His passive personality has gotten made by the cause like that probably. But fortunately he in those days had the younger sister who always is by him. So, it seems his sense of isolation was cured a little. But, it couldn't become the force so strong that he can defeat the transparent wall in question and bask in the sunlight at his whole body. His world still was in the condition divided to the dim world of himself and the outside world filled with light. And, needless to say, it was natural that he had felt there is the thick transparent wall between those worlds.
		However, when Katsuo entered primary school, the environments around him started to change rapidly. When his parents were given the land of about 100 square meter from his grandmother, they have built themselves new house there with the housing loan. Although in those days, they still were poor, since his father's business was going well very much, it seems that they decided to do so. Needless to say, it was the small one story house. But, for Katsuo, it was the palace really. When I finds far him in the public garden or other in those days, he looked different from former him a little though it doesn't know why. It is because I probably found from his looks his self-confidence it was hard to feel before though it thinks that it was unconsciously. And I remember I felt oneself to be nasty, feeling there is the vague emotion like a jealousy into one's mind at that time. The cause that emotion like jealousy was born probably was my selfish emotion that doesn't want to lose one of reason to look down on him. I was the spiteful child probably though I wasn't aware of the thing in those days.
	The building a new house for themselves must have been a very big event, also for his mother. According to Katsuo, when Katsuo was junior high school student, she sometimes said to him "I had wanted to have a new house by the time you enter primary school" as if the situation in that times were recalled suddenly. "My mother must have built me this house". Whenever his mother talked to Katsuo like that about the new house, he thought like that, while feeling strange pressure. Anyhow, Katsuo became positive and healthy considerably after he entered the primary school. It would be because he could take the good nourishment because of his father's work well going and could get the regular custom since he started to go to the primary school. Then, in those days his father sometimes took him out from the house to make him do exercise though it may be that his mother asked the father to do so. Probably in that reason, he became not getting terrible illness. In those days Japan was in the period that the postwar rehabilitation started to progress rapidly. Although most of people still were poor, Japan in those days was filled with bright hope. So, it seems that his parents also started to take back the self-confidence in those days. I remember he said that his home always was filled with the cheerful laugh, in those days. And, his second younger sister was born, soon. There is the difference of nine years at the year of birth between her and him. So, he felt she is pretty considerably though it looked to be a strange living thing, the moment he first looked at her, he once has said. In that, it seems that his world became broad more than before though his world still wasn't broad enough. Then, in the period he was in the fourth year in primary school, his house was remade to the two stories house. And, although there were the south room and north room upstairs, the parents had decided to use the south room as the room for the kids. Katsuo speded the child age togethr with his sisters. Katsuo spent the comfortable child age together with his sisters in the south room sunlight comes into from the wide window. So, apparently it seemed that he completely forgot the dim room he was living in in the infant period. "I felt most happy in those days.". I remember that one day he in the highschool age murmured like that.
The true character of object for cognition.			However, as Katsuo said in the highschool age, the thick wall between his world and the outside world still was left, without getting broken. But, he in junior high school age did forget the thing the wall in question still is in his heart. Since he rather was social, particularly didn't show the sign it doesn't want to see a person, it seems that he was deceived by the superficial understanding about oneself. However, in reality the wall in question secretly kept on influencing his heart, and gave him the sufferings. And, the transparent wall in question always tormented him during his stay in this world. It seems that he in the highschool age was tired considerably, roaming around between the unconscious fear to the transparent wall and the superficial understanding about himself. So, it seems that he stopped relying on the superficial understanding about myself. Satan he stated in that letter may have been the wall in question. No, it wouldn't be the exact understanding. It seems that he thought that something making the wall in question obstruct him going to the world filled with sunlight is Satan.
1. The sudden letter. 3. The strange turn of fate.    4. Katuo's ability.    5. Lifework.    6. The wavering soul.    7. Satan's intrigue.    8. The mystery about recognition.
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