"Behind this world." 2. Katsuo in kid ages. This first was written in Japanese language in 2004 year. And it was revised in December, 2012. So, this time, it was translated into English again with a little detailed contents than Japanese edition. January 27, 2013. Noguti Hiromasa.						3. The strange turn of fate.
	September 26, 1999: It now is writing about the environment surrounding Katsuo I saw in the period he was the infant. Although it intended to finish writing in the shorter period, since my memory isn't so clear, it needed long time, to confirm whether my memory is right or not. I know about Katsuo ever since he was the infant. To tell the truth, I in those days was living near his home. So we had often played about in the same little public garden. But I have no memory that I played around in together with him in those days. I was rather shy in my infant period. And, he was shyer furthermore than me. So, I didn't try to find even the chance to talk with him until we enter the same highschool. But I can recollect I in those days disliked the refined atmosphere he gives off. We were born a few years after Japan got defeated in the Second World War. So, many of Japanese children were with a running nose because of a lack of nourishment. However Katuo was different from us a little. Although he looked to be in poverty as well as me, he always had the nose not showing the secretory liquid and was putting on the spotless clothes. It seems that I in those days was feeling a kind of jealousy over him though it seems to be almost unconsciously. However I also can recollect I felt superior to him, feeling he is weaker than me when it finds out him far. When I find out him, he was by his mother in many cases. Since he was slender with the rather pale face, and wasn't taller than me, it is that he looked weak terrible. Then, my sense of superiority to him may have been related to my having heard his father is craftsman of wooden fittings. In those days I was looking down the craftsman though I don't know whose influence it was. However my sense of superiority to him was the compensation for one's inferiority complex feeling from him. Anyhow he was someone else's child it sees once in a while.
			Then, I remember Katsuo stated in highschool period that his parents were living in his grandmother's house with the father's eldest brother's family until he entered the primary school. But he also said "I was to be born in the grand landowner's home". When I asks him "really?" with the dubious look, he started to speak about his grandfather and grandmother, saying "Yes, it's sure". When the Second world War is about to start, his grandfather was the landowner in Hokkaido. Since the grandfather was the pioneer's first born, it is that he had inherited vast land when Katsuo's father was born. But when Katsuo's father still was infant, the grandfather died because of the sudden illness. Furthermore unfortunately it occurred immediately after the grandfather started the new business. So, the capital for the new business all got left as the debts on his family. And as if it is the natural course, it is that Katsuo's grandmother lost many of the property or other she inherited. She was obliged to leave even the beautiful house the grand piano was set on. So, his grandmother had to live in the situation of no money for long though a few lands were left with her.
	In those days, the grandmother was raising five very young children. "I have to work for my kids somehow or other". Like that she made up her mind. Since then, she, shutting her various mind about the husband up, worked desperately. It is that she cultivated the little lands, grew the vegetables, and so on. In spite of that, she always was suffering with the lack of money. So, she selling a few lands by piece, could survive with her children somehow. Needless to say, the persons doing the small scale farming were not only her in those days. Since Sapporo City still was in the process of development in those days, there were many farms and the vacant lands. And the custom of farming was left considerably. The households doing the farming weren't so rare even if it isn't the full time farmer though the reason it does farming was different corresponding to each household. However in the case of the grandmother, its reason was poverty. In those days, it was difficulty that a woman get job. She could do nothing else but to do agriculture. Most of property she inherited was lost by the time Katsuo's father started to work, reaching sixteen years old. Furthermore when the Second World War started, Her two sons were enrolled one after another, had to go out of the home. Since the two sons had been bearing the livelihood, the grandmother again was forced into the difficult life together with their wives. But the war finished, soon. And fortunately her two sons came back to home one after another, surviving. Katsuo once had heard that the father's eldest brother having escaped from the prison camp tasted the terrible suffering, till it arrived to Hokkaido on the small boat. Anyhow in that, the grandmother got untied out of the difficult life at last.
	When listening to Katsuo, his talk seemed to be like, novel or other. I remember that I at that time felt suddenly that the noble atmosphere Katsuo gives off comes out of his lineage like that. However, it doesn't know whether it was so really or not. Katsuo was born a few years after his father came back to the home. However his parents still have to live in the grandmother's house together with the father's eldest brother's family. The rooms his parents were using were only the poor wooden floor room with the area of about 11 square meter and the tatami room with the area of about 15 square meter. And the poor wooden floor room originally was the dirt floor leading to the back yard. Old days, it was remade with covering the dirt floor with the wooden boards because of the lack of a room.
	In those days, the households with bath were rare. Katsuo's home wasn't with a bath, too. Instead, there were many private-concerns supplying the bath for people everywhere. When I was an infant, I saw him there once in a while. Then, although it may be hard to imagine today, the night-soil in most toilets is sucked out of the receptacle by the car with the vacuum machine. It was because the sewage plants, the sewer, and so on still weren't spreading. Furthermore since the modern septic tank is nowhere yet, when it peeps at the receptacle through the toilet seat, it couldn't but see the night-soil whole. When it recollects the thing now, it feels like it gets goose bump in spite of oneself. But in those days this was the daily common sight really. However, to feel the nasty smell was rare. It probably would be because the house made with considering of the ventilation of the toilet, and the aerobic microbes breeding in the surface of night-soil were working well. By any chance, it may be that the method like that is the original method to cope to the night-soil. In that evidence, whenever the vacuum machine comes and sucks the night-soil out, the toilet gave off the terrible smell.
			According to Katsuo, the tatami room with the area of about 15 square meter was his parents' bed room, was also the living room. But that room isn't with even one window. So, his parents had to get satisfied in slight light which is coming in through the panes of two sliding doors used as partition of the tatami room and the wooden floor room. The wooden floor room had two sliding doors having the panes, to lead to the back yard, and also had the window to take light in upon the sliding doors. However the wooden floor room is situated to north of the tatami room. Furthermore the tall yew trees in the back yard were growing at the distance of about one meter from the house. It would be that a part of the windbreak forest was left because I heard there once were the farms behind the back yard. So the wooden floor room always was dim, too. And in the night it also was dim in spite of lighting.
	In those days most of the people couldn't but use very poor lighting. They set the bulb in the black socket which was hung down from the ceilling and has the white round shade. Furthermore in Katsuo's home, the lighting was used with the watt weaker than usual, for power saving. So, since light doesn't reach the corners of the room, his home also in the night was dim. Katsuo was living under the environment like that at the infant period. I remember that Katsuo sometime said it felt the poor wooden floor room dim is in the different world from the outdoor filled with light as a time. Needless to say, since it is the experience in the infant period, it seems that it was vague sense. But the strange feeling like that in his heart still was left in youth. I remember sometime he said "I feel there is the transparent wall between my dim world and the outside world filled with light", as if it murmurs. However, when he was infant, his mother tried to cultivate and refine Katsuo's taste eagerly, in spite of the poor life like that. It is that she, buying some books and some phonograph records with the saved money for the livings, led him to read the book and listen to the music. "I remember two records my mother bought for me at Christmas". He said so with the bright looks in the high school period. In those days, Christmas was the event more joyful than New year's ceremony for him. I remember that he said with the look recollecting old days that it kept on looking at the miniature bulb twinkling hung to the little Christmas tree which was put on the poor wooden floor together with his younger sister. And I also heard that he got impressed by the songs given off from the record player at that time very much. Whenever Christmas comes near, Katsuo in the highschool period talked the old memory like that at least one time. A kind of sensitiveness he has must have got cultivated under the environment like that. Probably the sense that it longs for the outside world filled with light from one's vague dim world. It seems that his sensitiveness was born of the sense like that. By any chance, the origin of his madness also may have been in the infant period like that.
	Katsuo was born like a premature baby. So, he often got illness, in infant period. So, his mother raised him so careful that it is said to be overprotection. By any chance, it may have been overprotection actually. But, his father who is craftsman, often saying "Why are you so weak?", made him lose the confidence. "I don't know why my father told me like that in those days. But everytime he said so, my mind was injured terribly". He once had said so. And at that time, he also said that the image of the father who still was young in those days is vague. But, why is the image of his father vague in spite of remembering the father's words? When I heard this talk, I put my head on one side a little. However, in those days for me it was hard to understand why it is. According to Katsuo, he remembered the mother once said that it is rare that his father, finishing the work, went back to the home directly. In those days the still young father went to the amusement center to drink together with the customer or the subourdinates or the fellow members almost every night. "In that, the image of my father in those days is vague probably". Katsuo had said so sometime.
	However, when I think about this problem now, it seems that the cause isn't only that. In those days, the husbands late coming back to the home weren't confined to his father. Needless to say, my father was so, too. But, my memory about my father in the same period is clear considerably. If so, it seems that the cause of the Katsuo's vague memory like that is different from his understanding a little. I'm guessing now there is the other cause though I don't know whether that cause is his father's thoughtless words, or not. Anyhow it was certain that his mind had gotten injured deeply in his infant period. However, according to Katsuo, it wasn't there is no likeable memory of the father. He says that it remembers considerably clear he first, went to skiing to Mt. Moiwa in the suburb of Sapporo City with the father, walking about one hour. It seems it was after he entered the primary school if it considers the context of his talk. Then, his father took him to one's workplace several times to the time he was schoolboy, from the time he was infant. For Katsuo, it also was one of the likeable image of the father. It is that Katsuo, after talking this, said "At that time, I felt pride in my father". A human being is strange creature really. He says that the parent-child relationship between him and his father was bad for long till his father died because of illness. But it seems there wasn't the affections for the father are lost, if it considers his talk. His heart about the father was complex. Anyhow it seems it is certain his mind got injured deeply because of the father's behavior of something. By any chance, this also may be one of the causes of his madness. In the infant period, when Katsuo was toying with the lump of sand in the square, and so on by oneself, several children, coming near him, jeered at him, saying "Oh, You're young master of poverty" once in a while. To tell the truth, I remember that sight. It seems that the bad kids, hearing the thoughtless adult's words like that somewhere, spat it out at Katsuo whole. Needless to say, I didn't behave like that. But it seems there was the impulse like that in somewhere of my heart. Anyhow, Katsuo in those days seems to have accepted the others' thoughtless words and the father's contempt, like a imprinting. By any chance, too much care from the mother may have influenced the Katsuo's acceptance like that. "I'm weak really". He often must have fallen into the mood like that. His passive personality has gotten made by the cause like that probably. But fortunately he had the younger sister who always was by him. So, it seems his isolated sense was cured a little. In spite of that, his world was divided to the dim world of himself and the outside world filled with light. And it is that he had felt there is the thick transparent wall between those worlds.
		However, when Katsuo entered primary school, the environments around him started to change rapidly. When his parents were given the land of about 100 square meter from his grandmother, they have built themselves new house there with the housing loan. In those days, they still were poor. But since his father's business was going well very much, it seems that they decided to do so. Needless to say, it was the small one story house. But, for Katsuo, it was the palace really. When I looks at him far in those days, he looked different from former him a little. It is that I felt his self-confidence it was hard to feel before. And I remember I got the nasty feeling like a jealousy at that time. It probably was because I hated to lose one of reason to look down on him. I was the so spiteful child though I wasn't aware of the thing in those days.
	The building a new house for themselves must have been a very big event, also for his mother. According to Katsuo, when Katsuo was junior high school student, she sometimes said to him "I was wanting to have a new house by the time you enter primary school" as if the situation in that times were recalled suddenly. "The mother must have gotten the new house for me". Whenever the mother talked to Katsuo about the new house, he thought like that while feeling strange pressure. Anyhow, Katsuo became positive and healthy considerably after he entered the primary school. It would be because he could take the good nourishment because of his father's work well going and could get the regular habits since he started to go to the primary school. Then, in those days his father sometimes took him out from the house to make him do exercise though it may be that his mother asked the father to do so. Probably in that reason, he became not getting terrible illness. That was the period Japan's postwar rehabilitation started to progress rapidly. Probably it seems that his parents also started to take back the self-confidence in those days. I remember he said that his home always was filled with the cheerful laugh, in those days. And, his second younger sister was born, soon. There is the difference of nine ages, between her and him. So, he felt she is pretty considerably though it looked to be a strange living thing the moment he looked at her, he once has said. In that, it seems that his world became broad more than before.
			Then, in the period he was in the third year in primary school, his house was remade to the two stories house. It was because it needed the rooms for the children. So, apparently it seemed that he forgot the dim room he was living in in the infant period. Anyhow, that was the period he felt happiness most. However, the thick wall between his world and the outside world still was left, without getting broken. By any chance, he at that time may have not been conscious of the thing the wall in question still is in his heart. It is because it necessarily wasn't he didn't want to see a person particularly. In spite of that, the wall in question kept on influencing his heart, and gave him the sufferings for long. Satan he stated in that letter may have been the wall in question. No, it wouldn't be the exact understanding. It is that he felt something bringing him the wall in question is Satan.
1. The sudden letter.  3. The strange turn of fate.  4. Katuo's ability.  5. Lifework.  6. The wavering soul.  7. Satan's intrigue.  8. The mystery about recognition.
 
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